So I've been on this wonderful forum board with very "spiritually advanced" people. I have been wanting to leave this board for a very long while, but I kept staying because these people are VERY advanced... so there is a LOT I can learn from them.
One of these people, the one who made the board (head honcho), has the ability to "activate" individuals, "anchoring" a shortcut to all your psychic abilities. There have been many individuals that have already taken part in this. Of course, it is not cheap. The price is now 999$, and the core ability of this "anchor" is to HEAL. If you are not interested in healing the planet or others, you shouldn't bother applying.
Applying doesn't just take the want to heal either... you can apply, but you're not guaranteed accepted either. In order to get activated you need your HIGHER SELF's permission. When you apply, the person who is responsible for activating you will contact a higher self of you, and see if its even possible for you. There are many who were blocked, and many turned down. Something to take into consideration. It also seems that ypeople who were allowed to take part in this have all down various forms of healing/spiritual work, so they aren't just a random person who asks and higher self gave them permission and now they are spiritually advanced. They have all worked hard on their spiritual advancement beforehand in order to be accepted.
There are many other healers now, one that does beautiful readings, one that does a very advanced form of dream interpretation which contacts your soul group in order to get very precise dream interpretations for you, and a few other healers. All of which have their own spots on the forum home page.
I stay on this forum because of the many different types of people there are, and since I see everything as a learning experience, although I find this forum to be very toxic for me, I stay on it because it's similar to a library to me. A very beautiful library where each one of these members post amazing links, shared information, tips, etc.
However, the whole place is toxic for me as I get very nervous with people (online or offline it doesn't matter social events are extremely nerve wracking for me). This group of people are very straight forward, and if I make any mistakes in my writing or in how I explain myself, or not even getting what I'm supposed to be posting... things get misread and several people jump in to seemingly defend another person (I believe several times now it seems like I was attacking someone and had this happen).
For me, I've been told a lot that I looked very unemotional or did not know how to display feelings, not only do I have a hard time displaying feelings through outward appearances, but online through text as well. When I get confronted about this I overcorrect and mess things up even more. I remember one time (through collected data on peoples faces, reactions, tone, etc) I tried to ask a simple question "Who's baby is this?" I over did it and the way I asked seemed like I was thoroughly annoyed and I matter as well have asked "Who's damn baby is this crying over here?!"
I felt even worse realizing that it was my own sister's baby, and she was not happy with the tone of voice, emotion, etc that I had chosen to ask that simple curious question. *sigh* I tried to correct it after receiving the answer, and her face lightened up so I'd like to think that she understood my mistake... most likely not but I'd like to trust her face going from hard and ready to fight to gentle being a good hint of "oh you made a mistake." Probably not for the same reason but I'll take what I can get and move on.
I find myself retracting into myself more and more, the more I post on these forums. It seems like it might be time to finally step away from the forum. With every post, comment, or reply I make, the more fear I have for any replies from any of the members.
They seem to have a high sense of spiritual hierarchy (which I don't really like people looking down on others, but what am I to do about it as someone who looks up to others?). The main guy has a very blatantly obvious sense of favoritism, he obviously favors his activated individuals over those still climbing, he picks and chooses what he wants to pay attention to, if it isn't interesting to him he ignores it, and even with his own abilities... although his smaller "tools/devices" do SO much for people still learning to be with their selves, he's bored of them and sees them as useless and doesn't make them anymore (even though they are SO powerful!). He knows he's conceited and he's very busy with his self and higher more important callings with his activated members and such.
I think I'm most sensitive towards him as he is the only reason why I had joined the board in the first place... to be with him. As you can see I am very much infatuated with him. All his work, his help, his service to people, his concerns, his desires and calling, etc. I find myself following him wherever he decides to go, and every bit of me wants to do anything to stay within his sights or even try to get within vision (s-senpai, notice me///).
I think for now... I'll avoid this section of the library for now... for my own good. The question? "Will I leave this forum?" My answer? I'm scared. It is a reaction, but it is my answer. I wonder what I'll do from here.
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